yesterday is history
tomorrow'a accessory..

i wish i could discard all the extra baggage that is pressing down on my shoulders
threatening to overcome me and push me down to the floor in defeat
i'm standing at the crossroads
tears on my face
i thought the pain would heal
but it mocks me by only increasing in intensity
consistently knawing at me
never ceasing in its merciless taunt
and i winch and gritt my teeth

the baggage lays at my feet
i could just abandon it and walk on alone
to throw away all that extra weight and begin my life anew
but i am afraid
infront me the different paths meander along
and around me the leaves swirl in the wind
like the thoughts in my head

i just wanna close my eyes
and go to sleep.

i wish i could stand up and shout and wish everyone a heartfelt merry christmas
but then it would simply be hypocritical and fake.
cos right now i feel like

and its annoying the shit out of me.

and who said angels weren't perfect?

shes tearing along riding pillion
the wind in her face
thoroughly enjoying the ride
holding on to that figure infront of her
hands entwined around his waist
drinking in the sights that fly past
its almost like flying and she is floating on the happiness of the moment.
suddenly though a sudden lurge sees her hurtling through the air
the screeching sound of tyres on the ground
the smell of burnt rubber
and she feels herself tumbling to the ground

a loud resounding thud.
the sound cruel and unforgiving
the pain screams out
like the unforgiving mother that refuses to shut up
crimsom droplets ease out of the gaping wounds
a pool of red filling up around her

but still the cars go by
oblivious
uncaring
unseeing

then it dawns on her
as the darkness slowly threatens to overcome and engulf her
that she has a choice
to get up
walk up and find help
to slowly nurse her wounds
let them heal and fight to stay alive
or to simply lie there
to gradually let the life slip out of her.

i chose to get up
i only wish it wasnt so darn fucking painful.

its all empty
i dont even have any tears left.
i've given everything so i guess now its time to turn and walk away
simply because you have taken everything from me
leaving me
empty.

i never thought i'd admit to this but seriously spending an entire afternoon infront of a flashing television screen
yelling and screaming vulgarities and swearing and shouting while trying to kill each other with shotguns pistols and what nots is actually a pretty fulfilling way of spending an afternoon and getting my mind off whatever is bothering me.
perfect way to destress and let out all that pent up frustration and irritation.
ben brought his xbox over
so spent like majority of the afternoon playing stupid random killing games
seriously never thought i'd enjoy it but then i guess you'll never know until you try.

i am not sure if you still read here
but i would really like to say a huge thank you
for everything that you have done for me
for always being so unassuming and forgiving and in your own silent way just being you and being there.
listening and never judging or demanding
you never deserved to be treated the way i did you
and i shouldnt have.
perhaps you might never know
but either ways,
thank you
sorry
love.

the sky has fallen
but only this time
its raining glass shards that are piercing through my skin.
it doesnt really matter where you run
the pieces are everywhere
the crunching sound beneath my bear feet as i try to run

pulling the pieces out
deep crimson red flows from gapping wounds
crying out the tears that refuse to flow
screaming out the pain thats etched so darkly and lodged in the depths of my heart

i wish you would just kill me
its easier and less painful that way.

i guess we all each have our own share of shit in the fan
and we all do our own parts of walking into walls
slamming face down into the mud
but at the end of the day
we just wanted to try
to have that hope against hope that perhaps just maybe it could have gone alright.
the greatest crime is not making a mistake
its not being able to correct them
and implicating everyone else around you.

i think i should be jailed

if i were to write a letter to you,
this is most likely how it would read:

dear name,


love,
sera

i guess i've just got nothing to say anymore.

listen to my silence
and hopefully you will hear my plea.


the whirring fan spun overhead and the breeze gently circled us
the night air tinged with the smell of smoke
beer
laughter
shouts
open hearts
what more could a girl ask for?

i appreciate the concern
thank you dears for loving me
in time
i will.
at least i promise to try.

badge and service pin.
"i am pan pacific"

started work on monday.
its been quite a flurry of activity with the endless phone calls and faxes and everyone bustling around
a whole department of females and it has been decidedly interesting
all the different characters and faces
hope it works out well.

"you are my sweetest downfall.
i loved you first...i loved you first
beneath the stars came falling on our heads
but they're soft light"
-samson

humans err
we all succum to temptations
we all make choices we regret

i might run round in circles
but my heart never leaves you
i cant lose you but then again you cant lose what you never had
i cant find words to describe the emotions that rage like a violent storm within me
huge waves rising and crashing with ferocity
crushing everything in sight
white caps gleaming for all to see
all i know for sure is that you can make it alright.